The term Incel, which stands for involuntarily celibate, is popular on internet forums such as 4chan or Reddit. It’s for men who wish to have sex but are unable for a variety of reasons. Many men claim that it’s because they are short, ugly or socially awkward. While other men may feel that it’s because they lack money or resources to attract a woman. Regardless of the reasoning, there is a significant and increasing portion of men in this world that are unable to find a sexual partner.
Incelibacy Is A Men’s Issue
Being an Incel is a men’s issue. There are very FEW cases in which a woman cannot find sexual partners even if she is unattractive, poor or completely socially awkward. The majority of women can go on Tinder, start swiping and have a man over that evening. However, the same is just simply not true for men — even if they are a pretty decent catch.
So why is incelibacy such an issue for men if many of them are decent catches? Well, some say it boils down to the good ole’ 80/20 rule. The rule comes from a business principle saying that twenty percent of your clients make you more money than the other eighty percent. Many men believe that in our current time, women are primarily going for the top twenty percent of men and completely ignoring the bottom eighty percent. Therefore you end up with ten different women pursuing and dating one of the top ‘twenty percenters’ resulting in nine of the average guys going without any prospects. Many people believe that a recent study saying that fewer millennials are having sex than prior generations is simply because a massive amount (bottom eighty percent) of men are no longer getting laid.
Involuntary celibacy is also not a total ‘lack of effort’ issue either. Many men work immensely hard to improve themselves to attract women. Men take up weight lifting, push themselves to obtain high paying degrees and learn skills in the arts. However, many men despite their best efforts are no longer able to find a suitable mate that wants to settle down with them. The standards are just too high for the majority of men to compete.
Incelibacy Is No Laughing Matter
People like to joke around with the whole, ‘Ah, you can’t get laid’ sort of thing. But the truth is that incelibacy for men is exceptionally painful. It’s a complete inability to fulfill the biological drive to have sex for extreme periods of time. We are not talking about not getting laid for a couple of months. We are talking about being virgins at the age of forty or going years, perhaps decades, without sex. In addition to not having sex, it’s not far off to say these same men are not getting any affection or attention from women either. Such extreme sexless-ness can cause men to have poor self-esteem, low motivation, depression, and even suicidal ideation.
Many men I’ve personally known also experience extreme cognitive dissonance. They look at the situation mathematically, and it just doesn’t add up to them. They realize they have a good paying job, take care of themselves, have many skills to offer and spent many years on self-development, but they get almost zero interest from women. They then look at the women they are trying to date and realize they have almost nothing to offer in exchange but are still repeatedly shot down. Men are logical creatures, and while I don’t believe most the men I know feel entitled to sex, they feel completely let down by their efforts of self-improvement.
Incelibacy Is Causing Men to Opt-Out
Many men who have put in significant amounts of effort in improving themselves to attract women are starting to give up. There is a social phenomenon currently happening that goes by the acronym “MGTOW” or Men Going Their Own Way. It’s not just men who are ‘incelibate’ but also men that do have a degree of success with women but are no longer interested in competing in the dating market. These are men who full heartedly believe that dating and relationships are just not worth the effort. That overall they are happier by opting out of the process altogether and pursuing simple hobbies and lifestyles that they enjoy.
In my opinion, I see more and more men going the ‘MGTOW’ route in the future and also more men falling into incelibacy. I’m saying this objectively and based on societal observations and not because of an association with these groups. It’s simply the natural reaction when the dating market is so skewed that massive amounts of men are ‘incelibate’ or working themselves to death for the affection of women.
If you are struggling with the issue of incelibacy, loneliness or depression, try using BetterHelp online therapy services. The service provides online therapy to people with difficult issues while being completely anonymouse. Try out the free trial here, I hope it helps.